Hawaii - where God changed me

I've been thinking about Hawaii lately...quite a bit, actually. I miss it!!!

I miss the beautiful, majestic Koaloa mountains...

Once you have seen these mountains, nothing else even comes close in comparison! Koaloa Ranch is where you can see these mountains up close. You can ride horseback through some of the terrain or take their movie bus tour to see where popular shows/movies like Lost, Hawaii 5-0, Jurassic Park, and 50 First Dates were filmed!

The amazing view driving along H3 [one of the main highways] never fails to take your breath away...

Palm trees and beautiful flowers are EVERYWHERE...

My Mom standing by a huge row of Ginger Flowers.

Ginger flowers - One of my favorite flowers on the island!

Hibiscus - They grow wild!!

Downtown Waikiki is one of my favorite places to go. You can shop, eat dinner and finish the beautiful day with a walk on the beach as the sun sets. Then enjoy the nightlife as the street performers come out and entertain!

It's also home of Hawaii Five-0 star Teila Tuli, who my friends and I got to meet while at Boots & Kimo's Homestyle Kitchen in Kailua! By the way, Boots & Kimo's has THE BEST Blueberry Pancakes with Macadamia sauce on the planet!!! No joke.

So for those of you who are unfamiliar with my story and how Hawaii fits in, I'll share with you.
Shortly after we got married, Logan and I moved to Hawaii. I know what you're thinking... "Lucky duck! Your life was one extended honeymoon in paradise!" Yes, maybe it was! But, in actuality, it was by far the hardest thing I had ever done at that point in my life. I had packed up the last 19 years of my life in about eleven 25-gallon tupperware boxes [actually that included most of Logan's belongings, as well] and shipped it overseas. I left behind all of my very close-knit family, life-long friends and the church I had attended since nursery. I had only moved once in my life, at the age of 5 or 6, and we only moved about 15 minutes away so that barely counts. I had the same dentist, doctor, you-name-it, my entire life. Change was not something I was used to nor something I at all appreciated. However, God used that change to begin His change in me.

I was a very sheltered, naive 19-year-old girl who had just married her Prince Charming expecting her happily ever after fairy-tale of a life to begin. Needless to say, moving across the ocean to start a new life, simultaneously gaining the titles "Wife" and "Pastor's Wife", and learning what it means to live on our own [responsibilities that follow gaining a husband and consequently our own household, bills to our name, etc...] shook me to my core. My fairy-tale hopes and dreams being crushed right and left, I was heart-broken but determined that I could have the life I had always dreamt of! After being married for 3 months, the 2 little pink lines on the stick showed up loud and clear! I was PREGNANT! I was ecstatic!! Overjoyed and excited, I began thinking of all the ways a baby would solve our problems and give me the white-picket-fence life I so desperately wanted. Oh was I wrong! The physical, hormonal rollercoaster I was in line for was far more than I'd bargained for! And as much joy as this precious baby girl brought us, the stress and responsibility that came with her was overwhelming. As the ministry, desperately missing home and family, life, and our newborn baby weighed on us, our new marriage was stretched and pulled thin at every turn. My relationship with my husband grew weaker as I tried to control things and make our life what I wanted it to be. Slowly [and painfully!] I came to the end of myself. My relationship with my husband hung by a thread and I had severely damaged my relationship with my Lord. I knew the only way back to Him, and the only way to fix my marriage, was through prayer and reading His Word, so I began to do just that. Eventually, as I sought God, He began working on my heart. He revealed to me how naive, silly and selfish I really was... He gently guided me back to His love and His purpose for me. As I gave Him everything, I let go of our finances, our possessions, my desire for success, my perfect little white-picket-fence life, and felt the weight lift off my shoulders. The stress was gone! I no longer worry and God has proven Himself faithful time and again. We have never needed anything and I know we never will!

I hold onto Psalm 37.4 "Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart."

"Desires of thine heart" doesn't mean my white picket fence! I believe when I began to trust in Him, He changed my heart, my desires... When what I worry about is whether I love Him enough, He changes my heart. In doing so, my desires, my prayers, change to what He wants me to desire and pray for and then He blesses by granting those prayers.

So Hawaii holds a special place in my heart. It is where I feel I truly gave myself to Him and He changed me. I am still a major work in progress [MAJOR] and fail Him again and again... Yet, all the while, He continues to give grace and love me unconditionally.


For that, I am forever grateful, and love and praise Him for all He has done for me.