8 Tips to Help Him Hear Your Heart

This is probably one of the most frustrating of problems in my marriage. I feel I spend so much time and energy pouring my heart out to Logan in an attempt to explain how I feel and get him to understand me. Only to be completely misunderstood and left feeling hurt and angry by his lack of love and care to understand my heart.

One thing I've slowly come to realize is that we really are from 2 different planets and basically speak 2 different languages. I'll say something as clearly as I possibly can and Logan will get a completely different message than what I was trying to get across to him. 

This is incredibly frustrating and is the leading cause of so many disagreements and arguments in my marriage. It's so easy to give up and give into thoughts like, "why bother? it's more peaceful when we don't talk anyway...".  After giving up for a while, you can practically see the walls between the two of you building higher and thicker. By the time you have a change of heart, it seems impossible to tear them down and your relationship seems hopeless.

Don't give up! There is hope!

This is something that can be worked through!

Matthew Jacobson {Husband of Time-Warp Wife's Lisa Jacobson} shared some tips on how to help your husband truly understand you.

No, I didn't back down.

Not this time.

She was wrong about it. I just needed to keep explaining why until she understood. Except it didn't work out like that. I thought I was adding clarity. So why wasn't she nodding in thoughtful agreement? Instead, the temperature kept rising until Lisa yelled (spoke with a firm tone, she says} and said (yelled),

"I don't care if I'm wrong. I just want to know that you care how I feel. I want to know that you are hearing me."

Marriage communication - sometimes building a bridge to Mars seems less complicated. Why is that? Why do the simplest things become another opportunity for tension or disagreement? 

Lisa will quickly tell you what makes the difference for her. Being listened to, having the sense that she is being heard. Can you identify with that? Do you want your husband to hear you when you have something on your mind?

Here are 8 Tips to Help Him Hear Your Heart--

Recognize Your Power. That's right, you are a powerful person in the life of your husband. Many wives don't feel powerful and therefore don't recognize this reality but that is a major mistake. The Bible speaks of your power to influence your man without uttering a word. 1 Peter 3.2 says that a wife's godly character and lifestyle, along with deep respect, can move a man to the saving knowledge of Jesus. If your character and godly witness can do that, it can go a long way in gaining his ear.

Be Specific. Don't barrage him with many concerns at the same time. The most difficult times I've had "hearing" Lisa is when there were 37 things she wanted to talk about all at the same time. We guys can get impatient if it seems like "everything's" wrong. Spend some time deciding what are the most important things you want him to "hear" and stick to those.

Watch Your Tone (and countenance) because a soft answer turns away wrath; but grievous words stir up anger. Prov 15.1 The way you speak to your husband is your responsibility. If he chooses to be unkind, you can still be holy in your response (not self-righteous, but holy).

Pick Your Time and Place. Be wise, thoughtful, and purposeful. Do you have something on your mind? So does he! Think through what headspace he is in. If he is walking home from a day at work, count on there being better times to get him to sit down and focus on what is on your heart.

Express Your Genuine Gratitude First. Sure, your man slays dragons, leaps tall buildings, and does a lot of heavy lifting in life but for all that, he's a person. People want to be appreciated. There's nothing like genuine praise and thankfulness to open ears to hear what you have to say.

Be a Good Friend. Have you been your husband's friend? True friendship speaks of loyalty, genuine interest, care for how he's doing, etc. You see, the Bible says, faithful are the wounds of a friend, Prov. 27.6. If Lisa has something challenging to say (trust me, it happens) I can hear it because she has cultivated her friendship with me. I know her wounds are faithful - coming from a heart that is with me and for me.

Be a Generous Lover. Withholding intimacy is a powerful weapon that is used regularly in Christian marriages in order to get what is wanted or as payback. Don't ever do this. Why? Because using sex in this way is sinful and very destructive, 1 Corinthians 7.3-5

Ask God for His Help. Too often we approach challenges in our own strength. Seek God - ask Him to help your husband to develop ears to hear you and ask Him to help you approach your man in a way that makes it easier for him to hear.

Change doesn't come overnight, but these few changes in your approach will help tremendously in your goal of being heard. Are some of you still feeling cynical that he'll just never change and become a listener? Remember, you serve the God who made the stars. Shining light in dark places is His specialty. Do your part, walk in love, and trust Him.

{Article shared from The Time-Warp Wife}


Isn't it refreshing to hear from a man's perspective?

What are some things you've found that help you get through to your husband? What helped rebuild your relationship?

Ramblings & Randominity

Just some randomness from the past little while... 

I love rainy days! I mean LOVE them! I would be blissfully content living in London with maybe a day or 2 a month of sunny weather. Call me crazy. Don't care. I LOVE IT! My rainy day ritual begins with sticking my hands out the window and feeling the rain fall between my fingers. Then I put on my favorite sweats, make a pot of coffee, curl up on the couch with a good book or movie, and bask in the enchanting crescendo of dancing rain on the roof. Bliss!

I have a new-found love for Nutella! Yes, it took me this long to discover it. And yes, it is one of the most amazing foods on the planet! I assure you, I have been making up for lost time! 

While on a picnic at the pond near our apartment, we discovered Emma has a fear of flies! Yes, flies. When she sees one she'll freeze and stare for a long while, then whimper remaining perfectly still until someone shoo's it away. I haven't caught her reaction on video yet, but it's quite funny!

Buttered Popcorn Jelly beans are just about the most disgusting thing I have ever tasted. Don't give in to the strangely enticing lure of the Frankenstein of Jelly beans! Your tastebuds will thank you!

This week has been nothing but teething pains, fevers, tantrums and irritability in the life of a certain 16-month-old. I have been at my wits end, wracking my brain for ways to comfort Emma all week. While surfing Youtube for cartoons and videos for her to watch, I found this hysterical video! 

Hope that brightened your day!


What's your week been like?

The Grass is Green Where You Water It

God has been performing multiple open heart surgeries this past week and I'm convinced He performed every one of them on me.

From recent phone conversations to reading articles and watching Women Living Well's webcast last night... Every message seemed to be an arrow targeted straight for my heart and each one hit the mark every time.

For the past few weeks, I've been praying that God would help me be content and thankful for all He's given us. And, as He so faithfully does, He answered and began working on my heart... but, of course, not as I had planned.

First, He used this quote to grab my attention.

Wow... I knew exactly which sin surgery God wanted to perform on me, but I was nowhere near prepared for the side effects.

When I found out we're going to have another baby this Spring, my first thought was Ok...now we have to move! 

Logan and I have been wanting to buy a house for a while now...living in an apartment can get cramped very quickly. Especially with a toddler and her ever so many {but never too many} toys! But, finances just don't allow it right now and I've really struggled with my attitude and remaining content with this. Although I've struggled with contentment for as long as I can remember, where we live and how our home looks seems to be my greatest spiritual downfall.

It's what I'm most defensive and insecure about. It's the last thing I'll admit to most of the time, and is by far the most intense of all my spiritual battles.

I can pin point almost all spiritual defeat, internal strife, depression, and even anger in my life and connect it to Materialism.

I knew that's what God wanted to work on. So, I claimed Psalm 121 and prepped for surgery!

I began thinking about Materialism; how it effects me, what it really is...

After praying, thinking, and praying some more, God showed me...

It's Pride. The root of it all is Pride!

When I think back to when I last thought about how I wanted our house to look, the reason behind it was so that other people would think I'm a good decorator, or that I keep a clean house, or that people would think this or think that...

God gently nudged me {as He so wonderfully does} and said, That's pride... You've let pride take root in your heart and take control of your emotions, your decisions, your thought process and how you view your life.

It's the life sucker, joy stealer, and the anger and sin initiator in me.

It's what prohibits me from genuinely putting my family first. Wanting to elevate myself above others, I only end up in pain and misery and separated from others.

I'm working on memorizing these verses in the hopes of uprooting the pride in my heart and kicking it to the curb.

God hates pride.

Prov.8.13 "The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; pride and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth, do I hate." 

God promises to punish pride.

Isaiah 2.11 "The lofty looks of man shall be humbled, and the haughtiness of men shall be bowed down, and the Lord alone shall be exalted on that day."

Isaiah 13.11 "And I will punish the world for their evil, and the wicked for their iniquity; and I will cause the arrogancy of the proud to cease, and will lay low the haughtiness of the terrible."

* * * * * 

The second sin surgery God had in mind was to eliminate something that had stemmed from my pride and materialistic mindset.

My Grass is Greener philosophy.

I really struggle to remain content with where I'm at in life.

I am consistently deceived by the father of lies... His lies slowly make their way into my heart and make me doubt my abilities as a mother, a wife, a Pastor's wife... Consequently, thoughts like "I'm not cut out to be a mother. My kids deserve better than me. I'd be better doing something else..." overwhelm me to the point of wanting to give up. And nothing would make satan happier.

Another culprit -- I am constantly comparing my home, my cooking and housekeeping abilities, pretty much my whole life to others'... Other Moms seem to have it together all the time, somehow effortlessly maintaining their supermodel looks and stainless name-brand clothing. You know the kind... You pass by them in the grocery store thinking, "How in the world do they do it?!?!" 

This encouraged my heart like nothing else... I am guilty of this very thing and hated myself for it, but didn't know how to get the victory over it. This quote changed all of that for me!

I was listening to Women Living Well's webcast last night. The topic of discussion was Motherhood and Marriage, which was perfect timing for the condition of my heart as of late.

Darlene Schacht was a keynote speaker and she encouraged us to love our families, make them our priority and serve them! They are our ministry! Just as Jesus served and washed His Apostles' feet!

"Being an awesome wife has little to do with our clothing, but has everything to do with the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit."

She shared her sister Betty's thoughts on personal expectations. She calls it the June Cleavers Syndrome. This is when our expectations are what we think they should be according to the standards of what we see around us, rather than embracing the woman we were created to be. June Cleavers Syndrome develops when we're busy imitating someone else's expectations and mentally downplaying our strengths and abilities.

When we doubt our ability to be the wife and mother that our husband and children need us to be, just remember that God, in all His wisdom, perfection and love, gave our husband and each of our children to us!

He has entrusted our children into our care because He knows we are the ones who can best care for them.

Everybody has different situations, different circumstances, differing strengths and weaknesses... We need to embrace who we are and let God mold us. He will use all the little characteristics and attributes He created us with to make us into His Masterpiece!

Embrace what God has given you and bloom where you're planted.

The grass may look greener on the other side, but the grass is green where you water it!

Coming this Spring. . .

Our family has a little addition on the way! How's that for news?!

It's funny...God's sense of humor. Logan and I had recently talked and decided we would be perfectly content if we didn't have anymore kids. If God wanted us to have more, that would be great too! But, we both agreed that it would be nice to be able to put everything into Emma, give her as many opportunities as there are available, and pour all of our love and attention into her. I guess God wanted to let us know He has other plans for us! 

We are so excited and cannot wait for our little one to arrive! I would greatly appreciate your prayers, as this pregnancy will definitely not be as easy as my first. Chasing a toddler around the house, and all that comes with that, is going to get harder as my belly gets bigger! So, thank you in advance!

Fellow-Mama's out there, please comment and share your gems on simultaneously balancing a toddler, keeping house, and all that comes with pregnancy! I would love to hear your stories! From family grocery-shopping escapades to the gag-worthy diaper explosions! I'll take 'em all!

Today I'm thankful for Plaid PJ's and Chinese Takeout.

I love Fall! The crisp air blowing in, leaves changing color, caramel pumpkin spice lattes... Heaven in a cup! But what I love most are the Fall festivities; corn mazes, pumpkin picking, and best of all . . . Thanksgiving!

So, in honor of this Season of Thanks we're entering, here are some things I'm thankful for today. Some trivial, some legitimate, all true.

I'm thankful for Plaid PJ's. I love the fuzzy, end-of-the-day comfort with which they faithfully welcome you every evening! There's nothing better than wrapping up in your favorite PJ's, a warm blanket, succumbing to the mental state of a vegetable, and watching your favorite TV show after a long day!

I'm thankful for my baby girl. Nothing compares to the joy that comes with having a baby of your own. The overwhelming love that floods over you as you hold your newborn for the first time. The thrill of knowing you will never have a purpose as precious as raising that little one in your arms. I never knew you could love someone so much! 30 seconds of her adorable, contagious little laughs far more than make up for the tantrums, constant mess and chaos!

I'm thankful for Chinese takeout. Whoever decided to start a delivery service that brings food to peoples' doors was nothing short of a genius. For the most part, Logan and I try our best to eat healthy. But, every once in a while, we indulge in the marvelous conglomerate of partially congealed Americanized Chinese. And, quite frankly, I couldn't care less that my spring rolls and orange chicken have absolutely no nutritional substance. I'm thankful for gluttonous, cooking-free evenings in. There's just nothing like hot food delivered straight to your door, throw-away utensils and dinner on the couch!

I'm thankful for my Country. Despite the supercilious, open-ended government shutdown, billions of debt, and our government's shameful infringement of laws, the United States of America is still the best country in the world! It's a place of freedom. Though they seem to be vanishing quickly, our freedom of speech, freedom of assembly, freedom of press and much much more, all remain ours! The Bill of Rights are still the dominant laws of our country; we can preach, teach, pray and share God's love and grace in unabashed freedom!

I'm thankful for Facebook. It keeps family and friends connected despite the hundreds {more like thousands} of miles between us! Don't know if I could live half way across the country from all my family and friends without it!! Thank you, Facebook!

I'm thankful for music. Honestly, I don't know what I would do without music. I once read a quote that said "Music is the background of my life." So true. I always have music playing. If not, I'm playing the piano or humming to myself. We don't have a piano in our apartment right now and it is killing me!!  In high school {remember.. back in the day, not a care in the world.. our only problems were bad hair days, smudged fingernail polish and your boy crush finding out you liked him! aye-yai-yai...} I used to play piano 7 hours a day! There was nothing I loved more than ticklin' those ivory keys and makin' them sing! Alas, wifely duties took precedence and motherhood sure didn't take it's time! Oy.. I love my life! I really do! Really. I just miss the free time to sit and play till my fingers feel like they're going to fall off. Best. feeling. ever. I thank God everyday for the gift of music. The gift of worshipping and glorifying Him with such mellifluous, harmonious beauty... Nothing compares.

I'm thankful for all of you who read here. Your comments, emails, texts and encouraging words have meant so much! Thank you, thank you!!


My prayer for this season:

"Thou who hast given so much to me, give me one more thing...

                                         a grateful heart."


So, what are you guys thankful for today?

10 Sane Steps for When He Makes You Crazy

Have you and your husband ever had that fight?

If not, be prepared...

There comes a time in your relationship when something happens...

Something sets one of you off and both of you say things so "unforgivably" spiteful and hurtful it seemingly shatters everything that was holding the two of you together.

You storm off and slam the door...

The tears begin to fall and you start to question everything... 

    "Did I make a mistake?"                                  
                        
                           "Maybe he wasn't the one for me after all??" 

                                                                            "Where did I go wrong?"   . . . 


You go through the rest of the day steaming mad at each other, avoiding eye contact, slamming cupboards and doors, all the while thinking "I will never forgive him for this...I don't deserve this...what a jerk!"

I know what you're thinking... "My husband and I are so in love with each other, this would never happen to us."

How did I know? Because I though that once, too!

Trust me... There will come a day when he will infuriate you to the point of making you crazy. I mean, absolutely bOnKeRs!!

What do you do if that happens? Oh, I'm so glad you asked!

I want to share with you this 10 Step plan from Lisa Jacobson. These 10 Steps have been essential tools for maintaining my marriage.

1. Wait until you cool down. Before saying or doing anything. A really good first step.

2. Pray about it. Yes, I really mean that. Prayer can settle your soul and clarify your thinking. Pray for him and pray for yourself.

3. Determine whether it's worth "fighting" for. I might simply be an offense you can overlook. Or maybe not.

If not...

4. Clearly identify the issue. Maybe it was only a "small" thing, but it's significant to you for your own reasons. Be ready to explain those reasons the best you can.

5. Approach him in love. This means not coming after him with eyes blazing (see #1).

6. Be prepared to listen. He might - just might - have his own side to the story. Hear him out too.

7. Give him time. He could need to think about it {and keep praying while he's thinkin'!}.

8. Be ready to forgive. Not necessarily because he deserves it. Or that it's easy. But because you've been forgiven much too.

9. Let it go. Don't - please - don't hold on and let bitterness take root. And don't throw it in his face the next time it happens. {Did i say "next time"...? Ugh.}

10. Choose to love him. All over again. And then again.

Hopefully you're not like me. You're even-keeled and nothing ever bugs you or hurts your feelings. You never get mad or frustrated with him. It's smooth-sailing for you and I'm so glad that it is. Truly.

But for those of you who struggle with much the same things as me? You might want to consider taking these Ten Steps.

Because if you're gonna go crazy, I say you might as well be crazy for him. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

This gem of an author contributes to the Time-Warp Wife. You can read more of their jewels on life, home, and marriage here.

Thanks for stopping by!

With Fresh Eyes

Well, it's been quite the morning in our home to say the least. It's not even 10 a.m. and our little one has already had several lessons in behavioral etiquette...

Among a few other things, Emma has {hopefully} learned that...
Hitting Ma-ma is not OK.
Angrily hitting the {very full} spoon that's feeding you, splattering food all over Ma-ma and the floor, is not acceptable.
And flailing on the floor while screaming at the top of your lungs, unfortunately, does not get you what you want.

All this before 10 a.m.! I haven't even had a chance to make my coffee yet... {sigh} It's gonna be a 2...or 3..or 4-cup kinda morning.

For the most part, Emma is sweet, content and cheerful, and loves to make you laugh. But as she's been growing into her personality, she's had several bad days, in which she's been testy, discontent and beyond irritable. It's during these days I easily become overwhelmed and struggle to maintain an even keel and act in love. I become consumed in maintaining some sort of structure and balance for my family, trying to keep myself {my emotions} bridled and under control. My mind reeling with To-Do Lists, errands and keeping our house together, I neglect my Quiet Time. Sure, I'll retreat for a quick 15 minutes of peace and quiet to pray and read my Scripture of the day. But I return to the hustle and bustle with my heart in the same place, counting on that 15 minutes of God to give me enough "oomph" for the day; enough "God-power" to maintain that calm, "zen", Prov.31 spirit to handle all the day brings.

Yeah, right...

* * * * * *

Sometimes I envy new believers...

They are just ON FIRE for the Lord! They have the amazing privilege of seeing everything with fresh eyes. Verses like John 3.16 and Philippians 4.13 give them chills. Songs we hear all the time and know by heart {Amazing Grace, I Surrender All} bring tears to their eyes.

I'm ashamed to say that, after growing up in church and being a believer for so long, I often read over the verses I've known since Kindergarten {John 14.6, Galatians 3.26...}. I mentally file them away for the next time I share Christ with someone, forgetting their present relevance to me. I mechanically sing Amazing Grace, I Surrender All, and Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus allowing the lyrics to glide over my cold, unaffected heart...

The truth is... I've forgotten.

I've forgotten why I call myself a Christian. I've forgotten the purpose behind my Christianity. I've allowed myself to forget the meaning and the overwhelming depth of what Jesus Christ did for ME! 

We need a renewed fervor and passion for our Lord. We need to focus less on whether the house is spic'n'span or not, and focus more of our attention and energy on regaining a passion and love for our God.

Forget the To-Do Lists, errands, and frustrating tantrums for 30 minutes and read God's Word with fresh eyes and a renewed focus!

Here are some things I have tried in an effort to enhance my Quiet Time...

• Wake up a good 30-40 minutes before my family wakes up.
• Find {or create} a comfortable, clutter-free, relaxing environment. 
• Make sure my cell phone and all other distracting/tempting electronics are OFF. 
• Use a Devotional Guide Book - I've been reading through a 365-day devotional book; Jesus is Calling by Sarah Young. My husband frequently uses the YouVersion Bible App (downloadable on any wi-fi capable device); they have very good topical reading plans and other great resources.
• Keep a Devotional Diary - I record what I read that day, how it spoke to my heart, and the things it revealed to me about myself that I need to ask God to change in me. Actually, writing like this helps me stay focused and resist the urge to jot down a quick To-Do list as things come to mind.
• Keep a Prayer Journal - I record what I prayed for that day/week/month and then record how those prayers were answered. I've found this to be very spiritually enriching! I love looking through my journal and being reminded of all God has done for me. I always close my book in awe of God and His faithfulness even down to the little things.

I hope those few things help you develop and enhance your Quiet Time with the Lord.

As you begin to open yourself up to Him again and your heart draws closer to His, you will find that regained passion and love for Him that you've been searching for all this time...

                  You will see Him in a whole new light...

                                              You will see Him with fresh eyes.